Unlike what I thought in relationships for the past 10 years now, I just realized that I can't really protect anyone or make anyone feel that they can't be hurt by the things I do or the things I don't. Through some of my years in life, I realized that there are just some things that we need to go through to be stronger. Protecting someone too much will just spoil them to the point when they'll always look for it if you're not around to do it. I'm not the one hurting this time, but I don't want to hurt anybody. I can't even believe I'm thinking about stuff that are considered "unrealistic fantasy", but they're telling me that it happens. And unlike fantasies in stories, it's a one-sided thing. If you're in a state of "fantasy", chances are there's at least one other person suffering consequences. Despite physical, emotional, mental, and a major set of financial problems, I will be forced to think about this. I don't really want to belittle someone's humanity by thinking that he/she's just "another person". Everybody went through something in this life.
I will protect the people that I love. But I can't do it if there's nothing to protect against. Especially if you're fighting against doubts and assumptions.
Also, I don't think it's unnatural to be hurt when the one you love is hurt.
The problem with temptation is that it will temptingly tempt you however you avoid it. Once you give in, the aftermath is almost usually extremely regrettable. The effects of the consequence on yourself and others are extremely negative. Why the heck would it be called "temptation" if it's not usually negative? But it's not safe to say that THAT is the only problem. I can say that enduring through the duration of the "tempting" itself is one very difficult phase to go through.
When you're really tired and you still want to do a LOT of things (want, not need), it really gets more frustrating than when you're tired and you still have a lot of things you NEED to do. I want to play FF8, Starcraft (yeah, the old one... It's my first time to play that thing.), Ragnarok Online, DotA... I want to read stuff. I want to talk to people. I want to eat (I'm hungry - no food). I want to surf around (wikis and forums). I want to watch some movies and/or DVDs. It really gets frustrating when you know that you're human. You can't stay awake while doing all those WHILE resting. And you CAN'T do all of them at the same time. You practically can't do all of those things I mentioned WHILE working and engaging in your priorities. Aww... Hungry. As of now, hunger is dominating.
This is one of those times when I can say, "DotA? Who cares? DVDs? Who needs 'em?" because I am almost extremely hungry. But just a while ago, I said, "Food? I just ate." *sigh*
I know I haven't really been updating my blog with real life thingies of mine llke Bernadeth and Culture Jam. I just can't find a topic or a reason to post. It seemingly seems so that when Bernadeth came into the picture, my online life either died or dwindled to a "HALT". When Culture Jam started, it disappeared. I don't even know why I'm posting right now.
If people keep pushing on the "you'll regret it if you don't say something" and "at least you tried" things, I'm still for the "some things are just not worth the trouble". Keeping something to yourself may seem selfish at times, but if it saves people you care about from needless distress, I'm all for it. Difficult, yes, but necessary.
Darn it! I lost my domain! AGAIN! I don't really have any use for my domains anyway, but still... I'm still trying to maintain my Blogger account. I'm double-posting all my blog entries from now on (I think/hope so). I kinda like LJ's style, but maintaining ancient accounts is somewhat important to me. ^_^
The good thing with a dead blog is that you can freely delete posts that you feel you want to delete because nobody has ever read them, or at least no one will miss them. My mind's also kinda dead now. Blank tired. Or maybe just hungry again.
