It's when you are down to your most desperate times that you'd almost talk to anybody about anything. Even those that wouldn't seem to care or those that you don't even know. To all the guys who were able to bear with the conversations with me, thank you.
It's when you're in despair and there is no one to talk to that your sanity begins to crack. Most especially if the problems come from all angles. I can, however, look at the bright side...
At least there is only one side that is coming at me with full force, whether it is intentional or unintentional. I'd rather have that than have EVERY side come at me in full force. But of course, once you've been hit very hard even only on one side, you can't really avoid squirming in pain. ^___^ But still, the bright side. ^__^
It was not, it is not, and it will not be my intention to cause harm or inconvenience to the people around me. I am so sorry that this had to happen. I've been a nuisance and an inconvenience since late last year. What have I been doing wrong? I hope that people would just tell me straight to my face what it is that they don't like about me (or even hate about me). I'm being as honest as I can be. No lying. I'm being as careful and as considerate and as tactful. I'm being as committed as I can be. I'm being as loyal. I'm being as open. I'm being changed this year...
When the time comes that decisions have to be made, sacrifices are to be made. I still have no idea on what the sacrifices are. I know what factors to take into account now. I just have to make sure.
When your closest friends talk, things clear up. You just have to filter out the garbage that other people and your paranoia bring. Pampering never really worked for anybody. The truth hurts. It does. But it does good. Thanks, guys. You know who you are.
When you really don't matter, you don't matter at all. Some things just won't change. A very big "thanks" though to all the people who are there for me. ^_^
Don't be afraid Open your mouth and say Say what your soul sings to you Your mind can never change Unless you ask it to Lovingly re-arrange The thoughts that make you blue The things that bring you down Only do harm to you So make your choice joy The joy belongs to you And when you do You'll find the one you love is you You'll find you love you
Don't be ashamed To open your heart and pray Say what your soul sings to you So no longer pretend That you can't feel it near That tickle on your head That tingle in your ear Oh ask it anything Because it loves you dear It's your most precious king If only you could hear And when you do You'll find the one you need is you You'll find you love you
It's so sad. I was talking to a friend of mine last night... "The reason why I probably don't say anything anymore is because I don't think they matter anyway." To which she replied, "Now that is just sad..." It is. Hahaha...
Lonely Tree Moonstar 88
I'm a lonely tree Standing on a corner still Waiting for the summer days But I can feel the rain
But who cares if I cry a thousand cries Nobody would even try to talk to me
I hope someday that my life will be okay Even if for just one day For just one day!
Would you even try to have a cup of tea with me Would you even dare to talk about my misery
It kinda hurts when you don't really matter to the people that matter to you to the point that they won't even consider your advise and suggestions. Especially if they're just plain apathetic about it as if trying to "agree" they're way into shutting you up. But it's ok. ^_^
Anyway, my emo days are over. The walls may or may not have been set up. But I don't think I need walls now. I need lessons. ^__^ But the walls will definitely help.
I'm kinda tired of being "the insignificant friend". I just don't see any reason in making myself "significant" anymore. One could only take so much rejection. Hahaha...
I'm not being emotional about this. I'm being decisive on this. I don't really care if you think I'm emotional, because I don't care anymore. Hahaha...
I just realized that jackals are such handsome creatures. And their cubs/pups are so dastardly cute that it made me wonder why jackals have a negative reputation. Or is it just me?
Many thanks to L`Arc~en~Ciel's "Link"... It got me so perked up that this time, I wasn't able to sleep not because of depression or because of the thought of Shayne. This time, I'm so hyper that I'm looking at a new kind of hope for the months ahead that doesn't involve romance or any motives related to that. I am free of the depression caused by the problems of the heart once more! ^__^ For whatever it was worth, thank you for all the memories, Shayne. ^__^
