Fact of the Day: *cutting a long story short* "... to/for/with the people you're dealing with." And then I thought for a while. I don't have people to deal with. It's a fact of life I've accepted for some time already. I'll end up alone. And like the Internet, "hope spikes" in my life are as common as lag spikes on the Internet. So, thank you for being there from time to time. I'll end up alone. Although not totally, because I know that He'll always be with me.
Hmm... I WILL END UP alone? Or I am ALREADY alone? Whatever. As you guys have said, I'm just thinking too much. Doesn't matter if I am or if I will be alone. I lived like that before, I can do it again.
Protecting someone is kind of like voting. It is both a right and a duty. It's a joy to protect someone ONLY if that person allows you the privilege of protecting him/her. Otherwise, you don't have that right at all and you can't do crap about it.
"When a good person dies, there should be an impact on the world. Somebody should notice. Somebody should be upset." - Cameron, House M.D.
Award-winning script. I believe the same thing. If I didn't care at all, I would post a lot more about this quote and why I posted it. But I do. Or maybe I don't care at all, that's why I posted. Thank you.
Hurray to the fool who clings to things so beautiful of whose surfaces are made so slippery by the wax used to polish them.
Are roses really meant to die? Roses are used to "express one's love". But the roses have to die for that. Do beautiful things have to die just to express love? Such is the fate of the Rose. Its thorns do nothing against humans.
Okay... Since I've been getting the question "Is it me you're referring to?" for some time now by a few people... I'll clear it up, it's not PERSON. It's PEOPLE.
If you think you're the one I'm referring to, or if you think you're not, then you're probably right.
I think this is "back to normal". Some sort of sorrow, some shallow happiness... Happiness and sadness offset each other. So, I'm pretty "neutral". -_-
"In you and I, there's a new land. Angels in flight... My sanctuary, where fears and lies melt away. Music will tie what's left of me. My heart's a battleground. So many ups and downs. I need more affection than you know. I need true emotions." - Utada Hikaru, "Sanctuary"
"Love, love is a verb. Love is a doing word. Gentle impulsion shakes me, makes me lighter. Black flowers blossom. You're stumbling a little. Water is my eye, most faithful mirror. Teardrop on the fire..." - Massive Attack, "Teardrop"
I am starting to hate this word called "context". Context my ass. Everything has context. I am denied of everything because of these "contexts". Context my ass.
Before I headed for my semi-usual Wushu training, I thought to myself, "It's time to live once again." I now know what type of living I should have. I am going back to the "me" in high school and the first years of college.
While training a while ago, I "had" to smile. But with each smile, I stooped down, wiped my face off, and rose up with a "dead" face. Each time I "wiped" a smile off my face, I loved it.
Bye, guys. Thanks for everything. I'm heading for a past which denied me happiness. Since I'm not getting any now anyway. I hope you can forgive me if I just greet you with a shitface.
I may or may not be permanently this way. But I will still try and see. I don't know. No one cares, why should I? I want to give it a chance. But I have given everything chances, multiple chances, ever since I "wanted" to be happy. But I don't think anybody ever gave me a chance aside from Him. This may or may not be a farewell. I don't know. Don't wish for anything. Just wait. Nobody cares anyway. Farewell, shit-world.
A hypocritic mask works well in this world, so that's what I think I'll use. ^_^ It's just so fun to be sarcastic.
This Rurouni Kenshin video that I'm doing (which has been pending for more than half a year now) is inspiringly depressing (or depressingly inspiring. Whatever). I'm using "Calling From Heaven" from the Dracula Battle: Perfect Selection album. It's so good. Sleepy. Sleep.
Depression is one thing. But losing passion about the things you're willing to die for is just so aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!! If I can only hit that abstract with a punch like it was solid, I would. I am so pissed right now that I am losing my passions! I sure hope I get them back soon. I really need them.
I still don't know what it is exactly that makes me happy or sad nowadays. But I am relatively happy now. At least there is no angst. I can genuinely put out a small smile. ^_^
The great "neutrality" has taken over me for the afternoon. No joy, no passion, no sadness, no tears, no anger, no frustration, no disappointment, no smiles, no smirks, no grudges, no hate, no sorrow, no need to be happy, no need to cry, no need to be angry, no need to question, no need to answer, no need to talk, no need to post...
And though you offered peace, what I really need comes in so much more. What are we all living for if nothing's worth dying for tonight? Your dreams are not not enough. What I need is love that's worth laying down my life. You say that you're a dreamer. Well, I'm a dreamer, too. But I won't sing your lullaby. However well-intentioned, it's neither good nor true. The pallid dream is just a lie. But I am holding out for something real...
Lullaby Thrice
What are we all living for? If nothing’s worth dying for tonight Your dreams are not enough What I need is love That’s worth laying down my life
Sing along Just like they taught us It’s soothing your mind this lullaby No heaven above us Just mile after mile of empty sky
No right or wrong Can you imagine? A world where there’s no more need to cry But no joy or passion It seems that the price is much too high But I am holding out for something real…
And though you offered peace What I really need comes in so much more Your dreams are not enough What I need is love that’s worth dying for
You say that you're a dreamer Well I’m a dreamer too But I won't sing your lullaby However well-intentioned It's neither good nor true The pallid dream is just a lie
I know that you guys aren't being hypocrites when you say, "it's okay" or "okay lang". But please... I don't need kindness and pity. I need the damned truth. I am the painmaster. I can take it. Anything you throw at me, I'll be able to take it. Do not ever pity me.
Talking with people really gets me that kind of joy that I miss now. Guys, thank you for bearing with me. Talking with I got to talk with (in order, from the time I woke up) mom, Nikki, Dani, Glenn, Tarie, Samuel, and Ieleen. Thank you. ^__^ Wow... That must have been the most "name-ly" specific post I have ever made.
The sacrifice has been made. It is time to get used to that life of "loneliness" once again. Loneliness does not automatically bring about sorrow. For me, loneliness is just the state of being lonely. And being lonely is just being the state of being alone. I have to get used to that again.
Apathy is for the weak. Kindness is something I don't want or need. Give me a pain as pleasing as your sight.
Ieleen, thank you for being as frank as ever. Thank you for not showing me kindness because I do not need pity. Thank you for doing what must be done. ^_^
It's kind of funny how you were numbed of loneliness for so long that you thought you would be invulnerable to the sorrows of loneliness. One taste of love, friendship, and company and I crumbled down to craving for more. Sheesh. I just hope I don't become one who "sucks up to another person". Nothing wrong with opening up. I just don't feel like "begging" for attention.
