Either my life is starting to change for the unexpected, or there just have been too many things currently going on that makes me feel like it. 2006 is really a weirdly unique year for me, I think. Long time no see friends suddenly around my reach. New friends that are closer to me than any of the close friends I've had (I don't want to compare, though. Closer is not necessarily better.) My sleeping habit is now back to a normal human being thing. And I MAY be making money now. A lot more things are in store for me this year, I am just sure of it. He has really been good to me, guiding me when I am lost. I still don't really know what to think. This week has been so full of surprises that I cannot begin to imagine what the next couple of months will bring. Still, thank you. If you know and feel that you are one of those "friends" I've mentioned above, you are correct. There are not many people around me. You know who you are. Thank you.
There are just some things that we have to leave totally up to Him to solve for us. You'll be astounded by the number of surprises and mysteries that will just leave you breathless.
It's not too bad to share some parts of your life after all.
*sigh* Whatever I am led to believe, I know that I am old enough to have formed my own solid principles and philophies. I am sometimes led to believe otherwise. I am sometimes tempted do so. At first, it'll feel good. It'll feel good that you are "free" of your beliefs, your principles, and your philosophies. But once you are led back to the truth (or if you were STILL on your way there if you're lucky that you haven't been slapped with the truth yet), you'll just get hurt. It'll hurt bad that it'll break your heart. Sometimes, you just gotta stop hoping. BUT you shouldn't stop hoping altogether. You should just stop hoping for those things that would distract you. You know what they are. Only YOU know what they are. Keeping your expectations up for those "fantasies" will just bring you down deep once you are shown the full force of the truth. The truth is always heavy. I am not speaking of just "one" side of my life. I am not speaking only of my faith. I am not speaking only of romantic expectations. I speak of every aspect of my life. If you think that it is you I am referring to, or if it is you that is affected, I apologize. It may not be my intention, but yet, my heart tells me it is so. I am sorry for everything. I miss my God. Long have I been without His presence. Forgive me.
Aaahhh... Sadness. I don't know if I'm not feeling any sadness anymore or I've been numb of it because of the length of time I've been exposed to it. Well, maybe I've adapted to the "environment" already. Heck, I still think I'm confusing my blog for my journal. Anyway... Standstills and plateaus... I hate 'em. But they come.
Hmm... My progress in music seems to have taken a standstill. Website management, very bad coughs, and O2Jam has taken much of my time this week. I MISS MY BEATMANIA!!! It prompted me to try O2Jam. I still miss beatmania. But O2Jam is filling that void up for me. Music!!
Although it's as empty as "Happy Halloween!!" In my personal and very frank opinion, they are both very empty holidays (with all due respect to Saint Valentine).
It’s ironic. No… No ironic is not the word, I just can’t find the right one.With the death of one, comes the life of another… I just didn’t realize I was the “dead” one. Well, grudges just aren’t my thing. Time to move on anyway.
I don't like being chatty. It's not that I hate it, I just don't like it.
The only time for talk I see around me is only for small talk. Before you even get the chance to say, "Come on, let's REALLY talk...", they'd be having to leave you hanging in a conversation, or at least you'd be taking a lot of their time that they'd be losing out on something else. I'm not blaming anyone, because I am one of them. Even before I get the chance to REALLY listen to anyone, I'm called by other obligations already.
Hey, come on, nobody ever reads this blog. I don't really know why I'm still writing...
Don't be mistaken that I am on the verge of giving up. I'm not. I know fully well that I am blessed. The only thing that I hate about being blessed in this condition is that I take my blessings forgranted. I take God forgranted at times. One other thing I don't like is that nobody sees or understands what I have. I am to blame. I don't get to share to other people what I have. In effect, they don't know that I have anything.
I don't really "share" well by engaging in a conversation. I don't think I share the good part of me at all during a conversation. I don't know what impact I have on people. All I know is that I've been given some things, and I'm using those things now to fulfill my tasks. I'm really sorry for all the people who don't see God's blessings to them.
Leaving a legacy is probably one of the most difficult things you could yearn for in life. This may be the only thing I get to leave the world... I will not give up on what I believe in. I will not give up on what I have. It may cost me my life, but I will not trade the joy of music for money. It's not that I don't want to work, it's just that I'm working on something else already. That is what most people think of me now: that I just don't want to work and that I don't want to work under anybody. They got it all wrong. For I would certainly want to be told what to do if only things were that simple. I hope I leave a good (although vague, I know) message with this.
I'm kinda finished with "Sleepers" now. I just haven't tried criticizing it enough yet. As for Tarkheena, I like how it's turning out. But I don't know HOW it's going to turn out. I'm audibly blinded these days.
Speaking of blinded... It's great if you have specific directions. Instructions on what to do, superiors telling you what's next, steps to follow... But I find myself lost in missing all of those. I don't know what to do here to get there. Things like that. I don't know. Blah blah blah...
