I don't know if this is going to be my last blog entry or not. I don't know if I will still ask for financial support from my family after this. I don't know if I will be able to live on as I do after this. My lifestyle will change. And as for Bien's question of, "What about your emotional stability?"... I will now be tested for it. When I answered him back then, I apathetically answered, "I'm either very stable, or there hasn't been any event in my life that shattered my emotions again since reaching adulthood."
This is not an entry of giving up. This is not an entry of surrender. This is an entry to notify every person who is connected to me through the Internet that I may no longer be able to reply to your queries. I don't even know why I'm doing this. The Internet is probably my life. If this wasn't my life, I don't think I'd be doing this. Thank you to all the people who have emailed me. Thank you to all the people who visited my site. Thank you to all the people who have encouraged me to go on. Thank you to all the people who stood by me. And mostly, thank You, Lord.
I don't know if this was already said by some person, written in some book, or if it's already "general knowledge", but I'll post it anyway.
I just realized a while ago (I just came from my therapy for my back) while I was listening to some light latin-spanish-mexican chillout (Blumarten - Home Videos, Projections - Escaping San Paulo) that there are already LIVING cultures that are spreading through the whole, wide world even if their home countries are not prime-top-first-class-super-duper countries.
We, the Filipinos, have long been known to be a "mixture of cultures". And in that, it has some advantages. We are able to adapt to a culture faster and easier than other peoples/races. But this also leads to the confusion of our people of who we really want to be. We want to be the American citizens, the British folk, the African-American black-niggaz (pardon the term), the Spanish-Mexican hombres, the Japanese Yakuza-shogun-samurai-anime-people, and TRASH. Yes, we have said that we are proud to be Pinoy. But do we really know what specific factors to be proud of in being Pinoy? Revolutions? Activism? Laziness? Corruption? Hospitality? Christianity/Catholicism? Hacking? Piracy? Low standards of living (benchmarks)? Compromise? Happiness? Joy? Music?
I also realized a while ago that culture IS a weapon. It's like Japan, the US, and the UK are armed with nuclear missles of culture. China, Mexico, and the African-Americans are armed with atomic bombs and SCUD missles. Greece fought with heavy artillery in the past. And we Filipinos are fighting with Swiss knives. We are fighting a cultural war with weapons that are not even originally ours. The American culture is clearly widespread (those who do not see this are either not of this Earth, or just plain in denial... Heck, even our dried mangoes in Cebu know that America has global control). Japan has clearly seeped into the world's culture with anime, super cars, and the god-of-all-electronics called Sony. Well, the UK has breached defenses subliminally and we all know that. China is growing like a biological weapon (don't tell me there is still even one person who hasn't met a Chinese person yet). Mexico and the African-Americans, although VERY different in their attitudes and cultures, are kind of the same. They have been affecting our nations with the bling-bling-hombre culture. Heck, even the "white boys" find their culture to be "cool" now, when they were the ones who persecuted the "blacks" back then. This was very evident within the movies "The Barber Shop" (starring Ice Cube) and "Be Cool" (starring John Travolta). All of these factors regarding culture affects our decisions of what to buy, what to wear, how to speak, our bias, our preferences, our votes, our principles, and our faith.
Yeah, we all know all of these and I'm just posting on my Blog and I think I just lost my point. But you all know my point now, eh brotha? Yo homies in da house gimme a shout-out if y'all wanna do sum chattin', aight? Peace, niggaz. ;P
I may be wrong, but I may also be right. I am slowly realizing that I have had a thirst for history's wars and battles. The reasons for these wars are the reasons that drive me to study. I have been VERY interested in World War II (thus watching stuff and stuff and stuff of WWII thingies, most especially games like Command & Conquer: Red Alert, Battlefield 1942, etc). And by watching Kingdom of Heaven, I suddenly had the interest in the Crusades.
I kinda understand why it is I am interested in those that I am interested in. I have had a "bias" of Westwood Studios over Blizzard Entertainment over their almost-decade-long "Command & Conquer / Warcraft" games franchises. I think I know now that I had the preference over "fact over fiction", which I have been very oppositely vocal about. I have long professed my hatred to study history. Ever since high school, I dwelled on the question, "Why should we study about dead people?" I also had a preference of fiction more than historical books. Drowning myself in these historic games (Command & Conquer, Civilization, Age of Empires, etc), I didn't know that I was actually thirsty for the answers.
These are probably best left in my journal. But knowing that I am now in regret, I better post this up here in Blogger for all to see. History is the study of past events to avoid committing the same mistakes anyway. My journal/diary has been wiped out three times already. All have been caused by disregard, carelessness, and stubbornness. I just hope Google holds on to these pieces of information to make it to who their supposed to reach (especially with their venture outside the "search engine" business into the "information highway" business like Google AdSense, Blogger, GMail, etc).
We may not be able to witness the results of the jobs we were called to do during our lifetimes. But it matters not, for it is the next generation we are fighting for. Yes, it is sad that we may not be able to reap what we have sown (or have helped to sow), but it is for them that we are doing all this. It is important that we think about all our actions before doing them. Even the smallest deed may have an impact on a whole planet of peoples. It is proven by Abraham's decision to follow the Lord to leave Ur. Who in the world knew that that decision would affect the world into what it is now?
I am suddenly having the urge to read a LOT of books. The Seven Sleepers series, World History and Cultures, Bushido, and other stuff. Some of them are books I'm currently reading, some are books I've read in the past, and some will just be started if I suddenly get the time to do so.
Aside from that, I'm also suddenly getting the urge to play some games in the past. I was just finished with the Kingdom Hearts project. I also compiled the videos of Xenosaga 1 and 2 already (although I won't be making them available for anyone else except for those that can physically touch my hand). I started the Final Fantasy X movie project (continued, actually, but I scrapped my old one way, way back so I call this a "brand new start"). And I installed Final Fantasy VIII on my computer (prospecting the probability of turning it into a movie, too). I've finally also been trying to play Final Fantasy VII for the past 3 months now. I've installed my whole Command & Conquer series of games onto my computer. I'm getting some tingling feeling with starting Xenogears again. And TONS more of those urges besides the availability of newer games and books... I wonder why...
